Tonight

I deluivered.

L
O
L

Nothing better than taking a

Nothing better than taking a hot shower & curling up in bed.I regret spraying perfume on billy while in my bed now im breathing in burberry brit.

Missing Man Gets 7 Parking Tickets While Dead in The Back Seat

City records show a ticket officer issued seven tickets to Waldo's BMW, with the first ticket being issued Feb. 12, the day after Waldo was last seen alive.

According to Kameg, Smith said the reason the ticket officers apparently did not notice someone slumped over in the BMW may have been because the window tint on the car was illegally dark.


LOL, my head hurts a lot.

Lucky Me

I GOT THE MOST AMAZING DRESS EVER.


THE END.



this is not my dress, but this makes me happy:

WOMAN FALLS TO DEATH CHASING A FEATHER

WHAT?

"The walker, who was in her 40s, had been following a coastal footpath when she spotted the bird feather and went to pick it up.

As the wind caught it and blew it close to the edge, she ignored safety warnings and climbed over metal railings lining the cliff top.

She then lost her footing and fell from the rocky outcrop to the beach below at Budleigh Salterton, Devon.


Oh alright? These things only happen in UK I guess.
People are fucking weird and I hate everyone.

This smile

Is all I could ever really ask for.
That was by far, THE happiest week of my entire life and I don't think my smile could ever look that vibrant ever again.

I made a twitter last week from my phone, remembered last night, and can't find anyone except Billy, Ben & Cary. Oh well.

I really wish sleeping wasn't

I really wish sleeping wasn't so hard for me these days. Its really getting inconvenient... who decided elephants have great memory and how?

Im that friend who still

Im that friend who still writes to their friends who are sent away, but that person bad things happen to for no reason also. I wish I knew why.

Taken

Was too unrealistic for my liking. The end ruined everything.

I love you Kristina Post, always & forever.
Great night with Kristina and then Trotta.

LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:
- Hanging out with Kristina
- Upcoming trip to Disney/Universal with Brianna
- My birthday
- Money
- The little human trafficking situation Kristina and I brewed up in Shoprite tonight.
- Taking photobooth pictures
- Going to the movies
- Bowling
- The park
- Warm weather
- Laying in the grass
- My iPod
- Eating dinner at my Grandpas
- My Aunt living here
- Spending time with people I care about
- Going to lunch with Andrew when he's home from college
- Being engaged to Andrea Goldberg, my snuggypoo<3
- Exciting plans
- The thought of one day living with Brianna (not the never finding the right guy part though)
- Finding my gas change box
- Long drives
- Moving out
- Macaroni & Cheese
- Random acts of kindness
- Doing the right thing
- BEING right.
- Being out of my house
- Inflatable Kenny (Cawl) that Jade bought me.
- Getting to see Nicole.
- Writing/getting letters to/from Marc
- Losing weight
- Listening to Death Cab for Cutie.
- Making lists

I should start thinking about these things more than the things I usually think of.

Today I spoke to someone I probably shouldn't have, but am happy that I did. It was relieving and they were rather comforting.

Work in the morning, wahoo -__-
Then some good ol' shopping with Bri<3

What a yucky day. I'm

What a yucky day. I'm too overwhelmed with my life. I got to spend the day with Nicole though. Maybe lunch with Andrew will do me some good.

Chatam.

Well today was 100% successful.
For the first time in, well I can't even remember, my mom took me shopping. Meaning, she payed for my clothes. 0_0 . She bought be like 6 shirts and some UNDIES, awesome. I guess if I can complain about any part of this day it would be the amount of time spent in Woodbridge mall - 5 hours is FAR TOO LONG. AND that my mom tried on bikinis -_- I didn't enjoy that part too much. We ate at Friendly's and my aunt was obnoxiously rude to the waitress, making an extremely hilarious meal.

When I got home, (I obviously didn't spend enough time @ Woodbridge) Brianna met me here, and me, Brianna & Alex went to Short Hills to browse Prom dresses. Except, by the time we got there - we didn't have much time lol. I tried on a simple, cute, dress, but it just wasn't me. I will never find a suitable prom dress for myself. Oh and also my mom told me she's not helping me pay for prom at all. More awesomeness. Anyway, crazy navigator, CLAUDIA, got us a tad lost on the way there, but on the way back she gave us some really good laughs. Saying Chatam only seven hundred times in a row, leaving us in tears, to a point where it was dangerous for me to be driving.

Then I went and spent some quality time with my fiance, Snuggypoo<3 and we ate some snackypoos. Then, my Spin Daddy Larry came home and I was so happy.

Going to grandpa's for dinner tomorrow, yessssss. So good. ANDDDDDD Lyssie is coming home from Puerto Rico thank goodness.

Now I'm ready for bed. I literally walked around malls ALL DAY. I am pooooooooped, besides the fact that I was up all night talking to Sam <3 I miss her.

g0000dnight.

Listening to Vampire Weekend on

Listening to Vampire Weekend on loop contemplating my life. My life really sucks. I don't want to get out of bed or go shopping with my mom.

This Ain't No Willy Nilly

I cannot recall the last time I enjoyed myself as much as I did tonight. My stomach is ACHING from laughter. Although this night did not go as I had originally expected it to, it turned out to be even better. I haven't laughed so much since I can't even remember. I went out with Meaghan, Brian & Rob. My cheeks even hurt. We went bowling and Brian was the worst bowler ever. I have never witnessed someone use their entire body to throw a bowling ball. We targeted Meaghan and her "lack of soul" for the night, she put up with it rather well ;) I love you Meaghan. Honestly, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY had a nice night and I intend to make this happen more often. What a lovely Saturday evening.

Can't wait to wake up early to go to work for the 5th consecutive day in a row -_-
My next paycheck better be SAWEET.

EVERYBODDY COME TO GINO'S FOR DINNA
I GOT COLD ANTIPASTOS HOT ANTIPASTOS EVEN WARM ANTIPASTOS!
RSVP FOR CHICKEN OR PASTA
vegetarians can call a day in advance.

He Myspaced Me.

It is 11:26 am, I'm tired, and not enthused to go to work AT ALL.
I've worked so much all week. Although its productive, its quite exhausting.

Last night after work, I went on a date to the movies with Brianna and Ewelina for a double feature. So badass -_- I also encountered Moose who I apologized to last time, so she smiled and was nice. It made me remember and absorb my good deed all over again. I really shouldn't refer to her as Moose anymore since I apologized for my childhood tormenting, so I guess I should start calling her Raquel. I suppose I owe it to her. Well anyway we saw two chick flicks, The Confessions of a Shopoholic and He's Just Not That Into you. Both actually turned out to be very satisfying. HOWEVER, He's Just Not That Into you opened my eyes a little. Why are we told from such a young age that when boys are mean to you they like you? I never realized the outcome of that. How do you tell a 6-year old girl that when a boy hits you and kicks you and says mean things to you, that its because they like you? Maybe when your 6 its true, but it sets a poor example for the rest of your life. And of course there is always a character in the movie that touches your soft spot because they are just like you. In this case, I was all Jennifer Aniston, which was ironic because from the second she entered the movie I made a joke on her how she should have been the poster-person for this movie, since she has had bad guy issues her whole life. Also the other Jen with the lying cheater hit a nerve but not so much. I actually just felt really bad for her character because I could relate to her situation.

I found myself talking a lot through the movie, I kept having a lot to say. It was probably annoying to those around me, oh well. It didn't help that I was sitting next to Ewelina saying these things because she didn't understand anything I was saying so I then had to lean over her to tell Brianna, who would appreciate and enjoy what I had to say.

I'm working till 8 and what comes after that still remains a mystery.

MOST EXCRUCIATING MIGRAINE EVER. i

MOST EXCRUCIATING MIGRAINE EVER. i guess this is the punishment i get for exaggerating about the minor one i had yesterday in order to stay home.

Dancing Streetlights

I have a headache, homework, and art that I should be tending to, but instead I'm on the computer, browsing, and planning my day for tomorrow.
That plan includes,
- getting up early again so I can park remotely close to the school.
- leaving after 4th period.
- Haven't figured out what goes on after that
- Work @ 1:15ish until 5.
- Picking up movie tickets for Brianna and I.
- Paying a spite visit to the JCC<3
- GOING to the movies on a date with Brianna
- Sneaking into a second movie
- Eating weightwatcher meals @ Applebees
<3
I'm really looking forward to it, I am in desperate need of a good day.
Today went rather well though, can't deny that.
After school I went to Billy's, then went to work until 8. We were consistently busy the whole day which was a FIRST and really nice actually. I liked being busy CONSTANTLY.

Then I picked up my aunt, we stopped at her friends house, and went to the diner for a late dinner :)
I know its under crappy circumstances, but I'm really happy my aunt is living with me. She is really my best friend and I actually have someone in my house who makes me not mind being here. I love her so much.

Anyway, I think there were really only 2 highlights of my day. I want to start keeping track of things that make me laugh during the day and are worth remembering,

On the drive home from school, Billy and I witnessed spinning traffic lights due to severe wind. Honestly, it was REALLY funny and it was a good laugh. "It's green, No it isn't, yes it is!" The streetlight just doing 360s, making it impossible to know which direction had the green for go.

Lastly, the moron kid who pulled up next to me, getting out of his car, and declaring a "LEGITLY good park" -______- oh alright. OH STATEN ISLAND<3

That will be all, I need to shower and do my work before its too late and I don't accomplish anything at all.

Taking on the Dragon Lady.

It's 12:27 am.

I had a stupid day.
I stayed home from school.
Rather than use the time to get things I needed to get done, done, I slept until 1:30 and soaked in self pity. Finally Alex convinced me that it was a beautiful day out and I had to take a walk to enjoy it before I went to work. So we went for a walk at the park. I'm glad I did because it was beautiful out and it cheered me up a little. When I arrived back at the home front I decided to make some progress on my bicycle. I only worked on it for 40 minutes and then I went to work. We were somewhat busy for the most part. I ate pizza for dinner, and now just planned a lovely date with Brianna for Friday night. I'm looking forward to it because I only saw her once this week. We are going to have a really nice night.


I am working lots of hours for the rest of the week and have no idea when I am going to find the time to complete my drawings for RISD that are due February 15.

I will never learn to stop procratinating. It is the story of my life.
I better get some rest, I didn't get enough sleeping till 1:30 today and all.


Oh and I got switched out of Mrs. Ruderman's again. Thank God. I have to go thank Mrs. Tobio at once tomorrow. Before I crafted up this really poorly made but funny picture of Doug and I taking on Mrs Ruderman:


So silly. Too bad I'm not a photoshop whiz like Nat I could've make this a lot better =[

NOBODY CAN CHEER ME UP LIKE DOUG. He is my favorite person. I'm glad I can manage to keep in touch with him always. It reassures me that there are some decent people on Earth.


I think I'm going to end this blog with a picture of my cousin. Just because he looks so happy and good in it. As well as a guido (JEWJEWJEW), but It's a good way to remember him since he looks so nice.

Goodnight, love you Steve.

Emotional Breakdowns

Are the worst. I am having the most emotional day ever.

This morning was rough, with my dad having to come up to school and try to be "tough guy" and get my schedule changed back. The way things are going today, gives me no hope that tomorrow will be any better and I'm sure now I'll just have to go back to Mrs. Ruderman's class and the rest of my senior year will suck more than even I can imagine at this point.

As the day went on, I wasn't in the best mood, but I stuck it out.
I went to Billy's, blah blah blah.
Then I went to art where my day that had seemed to have improved, spiraled back down.

On my drive home from art school, I started thinking about the things that are bothering me, making me act "WEIRD". I can't seem to figure it out, but apparently I'm being weird. I began to think of potential triggers of weirdness. The death card came into play which started to depress me. As passing Tottenville High School it occurred to me that my Grandpa did not get to live long enough to see me graduate, therefore, will not be at my graduation. This being, the final straw, leading to my emotional breakdown. I can't explain it because it came so suddenly but it was awful. So I stopped at Meaghan's to cry to her breifly and went home.

When I pulled up to my house at exactly 8:40, my alarm went off to take my pill. I then realized I didn't have my pill, because I didn't have my bag, because I left it all the way back at art school. Then I cried even more, declaring hatred on my life. So all alone, I drove back to art school to get my bag.

Now I am home, and depressed.
So all in all, I learned today that,
- My senior year is ruined.
- I'm going to be working 25 hours this week and will recieve pitiful pay.
- I'm becoming weird in a bad way.
- I don't like myself anymore.
- I don't want to go to Prom/Graduation anymore.
- And I will never be good enough for anything or anyone no matter what.

Bafoonery

Aside from stressing 1000% more than I should have today, I ate a delicious dinner.
I went to Brianna's for Sunday Dinner, and Margo made, as usual, her delicious stuffing. Chicken, stuffing, string beans=extremely satisfying. Once again, as I will stress everyday for the next 4 months, I AM SO EXCITED FOR DISNEY WORLD. It is probably the only upcoming event in my life that is keeping me sane. I am so beyond stressed out its actualy quite silly. I never imagined I'd be able to stress about things I seriously DO NOT care about. And I'm not even just saying that. I really don't care about PROMMMMMMM. I never have and I can't bring myself to. I really don't have any friends in my school and I'd like to be able to be with the few that I do but I see its not working out that way. I did however come across a dress I fell in love with, too bad its only like $650. FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM. That is how I feel about prom<3 -_-

I worked 10-6 today, and it went by rather quickly. I didn't get to finish my word search so its upstairs in my pocket and I actually intend to finish it.

I am going to sleep until 9 o'clock tomorrow and go to school after 3rd period since I REFUSE TO EVER GO TO MRS RUDERMANS CLASS AGAIN. EVEN IF THAT MEANS GETTING MARKED ABSENT EVERY SINGLE DAY. I cannot believe she has gone out of her way to get me back, and I refuse to go to school for 3rd period until my dad gets things reversed. I HAVE NEVER RESENTED A TEACHER MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.


At this moment in time, I feel very aggravated and discontent. I want to go finish my word search, take a shower, and go to sleep.

Here's to a day of complete disappointment. (Except with Margo's stuffing).

Coroline Jones!

Today was one of the best days I've had in a while.

I slept late! When I woke up, Courtney randomly invited Sam & I over. So Sam came here, we stopped at Pathmark, and went on our journey to Brooklyn. We had a very nice day at Courtney's. The best part had to be eavesdropping via intercom to the woman on her phone, talking about praying. I haven't laughed so much in the longest time. When Courtney got back from walking the dogs, she joined us in eavesdropping, and then decided to talk into it and say things like, "The power of Christ compells you!!" and other silly nonsense. This resulting in the lady yelling at us, "FAGGOTS! MORONS!" SO HILARIOUS. SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD. Then we ordered L&B's. Even better! While eating pizza we watched the movie, The Darjeeling Limited. It was SO weird but SO good. I was really into it the entire time and was very interested in where it was going. I was content. After that, I dropped Sam off at her cousins, and somehow, without getting lost, made it home safely.

I picked up Kristina & Jade and we went to Applebees. We lied to the waitress about everything, except the fact that we were seeing Coroline. I told her I was allergic to lemon, so she wouldn't put lemon in my water, and then we all pretended to be vegetarians like Jade so that they would give us extra chips rather than Buffalo Wings. I found it interesting that she said she couldn't do it, and then when we were all like, "We're vegetarians" she immediately said how she can PROBABLY throw us extra chips and it wouldn't be a problem. -_-

ANYWAY, then we went to see Coroline, and words cannot begin to express how impressed I was with it. SOOOOOO creepy and SOOOOO good. The effects were awesome to a new extreme. It was just unbelievable. It made me really hope that I can be apart of this animated film making business some day. It kind of inspired me to stop being so lazy so I can actually get to do what I want.

It is 1:19am, and if I don't go to bed NOW I am never going to wake up for work tomorrow :(

OH HOW I HATE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING.
That will be all.

STOMACHACHE -_- interesting day i

STOMACHACHE -_- interesting day i guess. I have an official hookup w. the pizzaria next door to work. I DON'T FEEL GOOD. I actually did homework.

Oh Little Munchkin

Today had its ups & downs but it has left me off in a rather optimistic mood.

My cousin Stacie and Jimmy and the baby came over (I am LOVING seeing them SO MUCH). I bonded with my little munchkin for hours. But he is in fact NOT the little munchkin, he says I'M the little munchkin. Grabs my cheeks and kisses me and says I'm his little munchkin. He could potentially be THE cutest human being on this planet. I'm really happy I'm going to get to start spending more time with him, rather than my occasional secret dinners at Applebees with them. He tells me he wants to fight me, and whoever loses has to wear the ugly sweatshirt. He beats me with his little fists for about 30 seconds and then claims he has won. When I ask who says he wins, he says, "I win because I said so because this is my game and I made it up." Good enough for me, my handsome little fella, I LOVE HIM!!!!!







Anyway, people just left and I just got to go shovel for a good forty minutes since my dad is so anal about my shoveling job -_-

I began my new schedule today that EXCLUDED Ms. Ruderman, it was quite pleasant!
I got my brakes fixed and will be driving in my car that I can no longer afford to drive tomorrow!

I think I'm just about done for tonight!

:(

Today was rather depressing.
I had a memorial service for my cousin. Since he was cremated, they just had a service for him talking about him and things important to him. For the last couple of days, rather than starting to feel better about things, I'm starting to feel worse. And today at the service, when they mentioned my name in the speech, I completely broke down hysterically. I started remembering how close I used to be to my cousin and how I was the ONLY person in his life that had faith in him, and then I lost it, and just became like everyone else. I remembered how I used to talk to him on the phone every single day, and he'd tell me how he was stopping everything and doing better. Really he was just lying to me, but I believed him always. After I found out he was lying, and then after he stole my cousins wallet at my Mom's 40th surprise party, I started to sort of resent him. I stopped calling him and when I'd call to talk to my aunt and he'd answer I'd hang up. I was so disappointed in him and in the last 2 years I've hardly spoken to him at all. I resented him for everything. Doing drugs, lying, stealing, torturing my Aunt. But now that I've spent the last few days devoting all of my time to thinking about it, I don't think he was such a bad person. I tried to put it in words the other day to Billy, but I couldn't. But I want to try again. I used to consider my cousin a terrible person because he was selfish and didn't care about how he was hurting everyone. That he would steal from my aunt and lie. But what makes someone a terrible person? How do you judge? I didn't change my mind on how I feel about him just because he died and he can't redeem himself anymore. I just don't think Steven was a terrible person. I think a terrible person is someone like Charles Manson, who kills people and is disgusting, and enjoys it. Someone who gets JOY out of hurting people is a terrible person. Steven didn't get joy out of hurting anyone. Mainly he hurt himself but he hurt his family. Although he did, it was unintentional. He was addicted to drugs, so he did anything to get them. And he did everything. He was a prescription drug abuser and he was into hardcore drugs like heroin and crack. He made bad decisions, but he wasn't a terrible person. And now and forever, I can completely regret not telling him, that despite everything he did, I loved him. So now I can deal with that on my own.