ive taken a week to spend time with myself.
im not sure if it was bad timing, or ive just been ignorant to the truth, but it seems to be that my life is falling apart.
i think its been building up, and every little thing has contributed a little crack to what became a shattered mess. i just didnt want to deal with it so i blinded myself, and now everything is an obvious disaster.
i dont know how to feel anymore about anything.
my home life sucks. it is absolutely terrible. between my parents, and my aunt probably leaving soon, i cant wait to get out. my aunt is the only person who has kept me sane for the last 5 months through everything and i dont want her to leave. i know she has to make a life for herself also, and its selfish of me to want her to live in my basement forever, but i wish she could.
high school is over, which is relieving and depressing at tthe same time. until this year i did not get the high school experience i shouldve gotten. i spent 3 years being depressed rather than enjoying myself. and now i dont feel ready to leave.
something is wrong with me, medically. starting to get worried its something serious. ive been in an unreal amount of pain and bleeding for a week. being sent for a pelvic sonogram is even more nervewrecking because if they thought it had something to do with my period id be going for a vaginal sonagram. obviously they think the problem is somewhere else.
Briannas in wildwood and i wish she was here with me. ive been really moody, sometimes happy, sometimes miserable.
honestly i dont care who reads this, i write it to make my feelings make sense to me. so to be truthful, im unhappy with the way things are between billy and i. i genuienly miss 2 weeks ago, and have been kicking myself over these 2 weeks. its stupidity and theres no reason. i have enough things going on i just want things to be normal again. REALLY normal not pretend normal. say things are fine when they really arent.
kristina is IMing my phone, LATER.
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