The World of Appreciation

I've always considered myself to be someone of little to no importance. Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. I see myself to be as one person amongst billions. Although I consider myself to be a good person, I have never really thought that I've done anything too spectacular to be appreciated for. But I realized tonight that its not about making a huge impact, It's about making a little impact. If you affect ONE person's life in your entire life, that is a pretty big deal, and I never really saw it that way. When I think about it though, there are actually a few people who affect me, seriously, and some of those few think they don't. Some who think they don't affect anyone at all. Someone like me, who assumes they aren't special to anyone other than their mothers. And that's not saying much for me because my sister beats me in that one. I may not be as special to those who I wish I was to, but I learned tonight that I am in fact special to someone. Carmine took me to the movies to cheer me up, and to see Benjamin Buttons for the third time. He is a really good friend to me. In fact, he is one of the greatest friends I have ever had. On the way home he actually gave me a speech on how much he values his friendship with me and just me as a person. Not a corny one either. A serious, from the heart, meaningful speech that actually made me cry. I don't think anyone has ever made me cry over something like that before. It's not something I hear everyday, or really ever. I can't really explain how it felt, but it gave me sort of a sense of purpose. It made me feel important, and most of all appreciated. I appreciated being appreciated. I think mostly because I'm not usually appreciated. But it made me think SO much. About everything. About everyone in my life; people who change my life, people who I wish knew changed my life, people that I appreciated more than I should have, people that I don't appreciate enough. I realized that I am not, not important. Just because I can't impact the world, doesn't make me not important. It just makes me all the more important to those few people in my life. Or so I hope.

Today was a really weird day for me. All in all it has made me feel different, somewhat better, and somewhat relieved, seeing as though I got to accomplish CLOSURE & appreciation all in one day. I got to do something I've wanted to do for a while now today, and I think I can finally move on from doing so. Although this week has been extremely rough on me, I know things will get better. They have to.