Loosey Goosey

College is hard, but i'm loving it here.

Missing this trip:


My bus trip around the upper east coast ruled. I miss my friends and family but in all honesty, I DO NOT MISS LIVING AT HOME OR STATEN ISLAND OR THE STATEN ISLAND TRASH OR THE PROBLEMS, its absolutely lovely here, I choose those who i associate with wisely, and i'm getting shit done.

learning alot.
my first drawing assignment:


doin' it up swell in the Sunshine state.



oh but i will say, i do kind of love my staten island accent. even if its trashy <3
coffee, water, and awesome. I<3NY.

I LOVE COLLEGE

College Rules!

Its going to be hard, BUT LETS SEE WHAT WE CAN DO HERE!

it's almost that time.

I think of awhile ago, We might have had it all.
I was so stupid then, you needed time to grow.
But now just as things change, As well my feelings do.
In time things rearrange, I am so sick of chasing you.
But what do I get? Cause I just seem to lose.
You make me regret those times I spent with you.
And playing those games as I wait for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and so long.
It's not a change of pace, this time I'll get it right.
It's not a change of taste, I was the one there last night.
When I needed you most, when I needed a friend,
You let me down now like I let you down then.
So sorry, it's over.

2 weeks left for me from today. I can't believe its finally time, but it couldn't have come at a better time. I GOTTA GET OUTTA HEEEERE. i feel smothered, and frustrated, and just fed up.

SO GOODBYE AND SO LONG.

Vodka

Makes a good best friend.
Probably the best, best friend you can find.
Its never going to lie to you, or stop being your friend, or fuck other girls behind your back, make fun of you, kick you when your down, be insensitive, be unreasonable, be mean, or anything an actual person could possibly do to you.

It may not help you solve any of your problems, or even make them any better, but hey, at least it sticks around through them. at the end of the day, no matter what, it will still be sitting there next to you.

And as harsh at it may be, it never fails to show you the truth. Sometimes its unfortunate and embarrassing. BUT WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR -_-

At least I know when I leave my room for the night, its not calling someone else over to come over and drink it. It will be waiting for me right where I left it. Even if its for days or weeks. ITS STILL GOING TO BE THERE.

You don't have to be an alcoholic to have vodka be your best friend. Its like that friend that you dont see that often, but when you do, its great and its as if you saw them yesterday. Those are the best kinds. Thats my kind.

This is a weird blog. I'm done with this lol

Please

someone please save me.

im spiraling out of control. my life is crashing. i need someone to care. anyone.

FAGGOT.

I'm up and I'm down.
Kind of unhappy...always. But making the best of it.
Planning a lot of cool things for my final weeks.

- Sea Isle with Sydney next week!
- Chickz sleepover at Courtney's new house next weekend.
- OHIIIIIIIIIIIIO/Cedar Point with Kristina
- Green Day concert with Courtney.
- Busch Gardens Road Trip with Alex, Courtney, Sam.
- Blink 182/Hershey Park with Kristina & Theresa.

So glad I technically don't have the money for this. But will be working my ass off to be able to, because these are all definitive plans. Sweet.

I have to get off this island as much as I can this summer. Its depressing.
I passionately hate everyone, legitimately.
I give no shits about anyone, ever again.


I'm having a daytime gathering tomorrow, that will probably be ruined by ridiculousness. I will probably be sad. My life fucking RULES.
-___________________-

Guess What

I have nothing.

Vacation is wonderful

i want to run away to Holland and never come back.

giving up and giving in.

I GOT NO CASH GOT NO GIRL BUT I GOT THE WORLD IN THE PALM OF MY HAND AND I DONT CARE IF YOU CARE OR UNDERSTAND BECAUSE IM A LITTLE KID AND IVE GOT LITTLE PROBLEMS AND I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
BECAUSE I GGOT ME, THATS ALL I NEED AND ILL LIVE COMFORTABLY AND SLEEP PEACEFULLY
AND I GIVE UP
I DONT WANT TO HEAR I DONT WANT TO BE NEAR YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR DIME A DOZEN MISERIES

I DONT CARE IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE WAY YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR OR YOUR SHOES OR YOUR IDIOT ATTITUDE

I GIVE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

o_0

ive taken a week to spend time with myself.
im not sure if it was bad timing, or ive just been ignorant to the truth, but it seems to be that my life is falling apart.
i think its been building up, and every little thing has contributed a little crack to what became a shattered mess. i just didnt want to deal with it so i blinded myself, and now everything is an obvious disaster.
i dont know how to feel anymore about anything.
my home life sucks. it is absolutely terrible. between my parents, and my aunt probably leaving soon, i cant wait to get out. my aunt is the only person who has kept me sane for the last 5 months through everything and i dont want her to leave. i know she has to make a life for herself also, and its selfish of me to want her to live in my basement forever, but i wish she could.
high school is over, which is relieving and depressing at tthe same time. until this year i did not get the high school experience i shouldve gotten. i spent 3 years being depressed rather than enjoying myself. and now i dont feel ready to leave.
something is wrong with me, medically. starting to get worried its something serious. ive been in an unreal amount of pain and bleeding for a week. being sent for a pelvic sonogram is even more nervewrecking because if they thought it had something to do with my period id be going for a vaginal sonagram. obviously they think the problem is somewhere else.
Briannas in wildwood and i wish she was here with me. ive been really moody, sometimes happy, sometimes miserable.
honestly i dont care who reads this, i write it to make my feelings make sense to me. so to be truthful, im unhappy with the way things are between billy and i. i genuienly miss 2 weeks ago, and have been kicking myself over these 2 weeks. its stupidity and theres no reason. i have enough things going on i just want things to be normal again. REALLY normal not pretend normal. say things are fine when they really arent.
kristina is IMing my phone, LATER.

Unflappable.

UNFABULOUS, unsatisfied, unhappy, unlucky, uncomprehendable.

dissatisfied, distrusted, dislikable?

my brain feels like exploding.
ITS A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
fuck.

I LOVE PENIS

IM PREGNANT

Why Can't You Just Move To Canada?

my minded is flooded with aggravation;

so many things are irritating me right now.
i feel like ranting.

WHAT THE FUCK JON & KATE PLUS 8
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
its parents like these, who are to blame for all the messed up crazies we have to deal with everyday. what lousy, self-absorbed people.
"you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car -- hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a parent." uh, so true. why are these people allowed to reproduce? SAVE THE 8 FROM JON & KATE.

okay also, what is up with ungrateful people? like my family. they make me want to leave home so badly. but at the same time i dont want to leave the grateful people i do have in my life. im going to miss some people. a lot.

also a little concernicus about weirdos, but i'll save that rant for someone else.

PROM is driving me up a fucking wall.

FUCK I AM SO STRESSED OUT AND OVERWHELMED SOMEONE SAVE ME.
my house is not the place to be right now.


i am definitely moody tonight.
i best be gettin' some rest.

hopefully wake up on a happier note.
and stop letting people get under my skin with their fabricated nonsense -_-

tuesday, c'mon, treat me a little better!
deal, BYE.

wahoooo

i am in bed, watching tv, ON THE COMPUTER, listening to music, and eating a healthy snack all at once. my life is complete. i can now live without leaving my room. not that im home much anyway, but when i am its usually locked in here.

i went to hershey over the weekend, SENIOR CUT DAY 09'.
it was good stuff actually. i had a really great time with kristina & aileen<3

its actually really bothering me that people are still unhappy with me over nothing. i want to vow to never be honest again. because honesty means nothing, to everyone. still gets you nowhere, might as well give everyone what they want to hear. fuck it.

went with andrew to get a tux today. it was nice, but i still dont want to go. at all.

this weekend i have to work the health fair at my school, from early in the morning, until 2 in order to pass gym. FUCK SCHOOL FUCK GYM FUCK FUCK FUCK.
i cant believe morano did this to kristina and i. yeah, we've slacked. but really? 10-2 at the health fair? WHY?

started to make friends from ringling via facebook today; found a girl i actually really like. could be a good thing. im nervous as it is, seeing as though im going without knowing anyone, so is she.
i wanted to be asleep an hour ago, but that didnt happen obviously;
i am really tired.

so ive been spending a lot more time in my room lately than usual. i never realized how much i actually enjoy relaxing in it.

my knees are really badly bruised, and its most uncomfortable :( hindering this relaxation a little seeing as though everytime i curl up on my bed i twitch in pain. (thanks william.)

ive been really moody lately. cant tell if its because of my recent family wars or im just getting fed up from a lot of shit. ive actually gotten lazy to a point where i cant be bothered with making an effort to talk to anyone i dont see on a day to day basis. not for any reason, it simply does not cross my mind to do so.

gas is getting too expensive for my liking and i have too many expenses coming up. im not driving anyone anymore.

prom is nearing, and im not looking forward to it. i literally do not want to go at all.

and im getting fat, fuck.

i have successfully pulled off the greatest maneuver of all time, that i will forever feel triumphant over.

i'm actually really happy, and although nothing extravagant has been going on, everything is swell and i have 0 complaints.

so now i will drink the rest of my fruit punch and get some shut eye!

hopefully if all goes well i will get to have a temporary laptop from billy along with the gift of a wireless adapter from corey by friday, so i can finally enjoy the pleasure and comfort of having a computer in bed with me. yaaaay<3

peace.

THESE GIRLS

possess two of the few smiles that have the ability to brighten my day.
I can not lie,
I miss them.
A lot.
<|3

the future freaks me out

it hasnt occurred to me how intimidated i am by the idea of college. i feel like ive gotten so used to telling everyone and talking about where im going that i hadnt thought much into it. so heres a blog topic: i am scared of college.
i have been really excited about it, and dont get me wrong, i am, but i am leaving so much behind. doesnt really seem like a big deal to be away from home, but i think about how long months can be, and think how i wont be seeing my family for months. that scares me. ive never had that kind of independence. im scared. im scared of leaving the people and things i love. i have never realized what an impact every thing and person has made in my life and am intimidated by the thought of losing them or being separated from them. im going to miss my best friends so much, and im afraid of what ill do when im sad. granted i will make new friends, but none of them will KNOW me, like know how to comfort me. nobody will be able to remind me of good times or bring me my favorite stuff to cheer me up. i cant just call one of my friends and say hey come over im bummed. nobody will be there. i wont be able to do my favorite things, ill have to find new ones. this is really overwhelming im getting myself upset.

i know im ready, but i just dont feel ready.
there are really important people to me that im going to miss, and the thought of not having enough time left scares me. im not ready to let go of my life. i like the way things are going.

i am obviously freaking out.
oyyy :'(

Swine And Dine

I am overly content, honestly.
I am downloading music for my ipod that Billy "can't" contribute to.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND ALREADY!

please please please please please please please please please please don't let me catch and die from swine flu.
because that would really happen to me.

my mother better be cancelling cancun 09'.... -____-


oh some man at my store gave me $5 today.
random act of kindness, I like.

fuuuuuuuuuccckkkkk.

i hope i wake up in a puddle of BLOOD.
-___________-
i cant sleep.

i love you man.
dude von dudenstein
tico broje
bro nameth
city slickhuuhh
JOBEN!


fuck -__-

this is fact not fiction

well, wow.

the time is currently 11:25pm.
it is POURING, and i am watching it out of my bedroom window, listening to Death Cab and just pondering.
i'm scared.
i havent really felt like this in a while. i am actually happy, and im scared of losing it. things have been super chaotic but so far, smooth sailing. these last few days have been really nice and im so relieved. seeing lily allen last night was incredible.
today consisted of,
school.
egg white omelette.
evan almighty.
white rain.
sum hoopz.
spaghetti & meatballs by "crazy cathy billy the faggots mom".
chatz.
now some relaxing.

nobody seems to be very thrilled with me these days, but quite honestly i dont care. i am always so concerned with satisfying everyone around me, and its just not for me anymore. im doing what i want to do, for ME, and ill do it happily. I did the right thing.


if theres noone beside you when your soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark.
oh death cab i wish you were coming back to ny :(

oyy

i cant believe ive become so lazy. Lazy enough to stop writing in my blog, something i actually enjoy doing. its the middle of spring break and my life is on the move of dramatic change. so much has happened in these past 2 weeks, its a bit overwhelming, but nothing i cant handle obv. ive been trying to fix some things, i think im making some major achievements with them. im having a really enjoyable vacation so far and have gone through some big changes. i really hope things work out well for the next few months, i think its about time things did. i have to say things are really turning around for me and i hope they continue to. its 3 something in the am and i just got in from nicoles party bus thang. it was the best italian food i ever ate. DELISH. it was too late and a tuesday so there was nothing to do but drive around after dinner. it was a little frustrating. here i am now laying on briannas couch in boxers and a tshirt, comfy but bored and very much awake, while meaghan and bri read magazines. my tipsyness is wearing off but i still wont be able to sleep tnt. i can never sleep after drinking. it sucks -_- okay well thats all really, peace.

Cute Asians.

I must say, things have really turned around for me completely over the last week and a half. I had truthfully been very negative about the near future, but its not turning out to be so bad after all. School becomes less and less desirable with each passing day, and my english grade is in jeopardy. It scares yet amazes me that I am completely incapable of staying in school for a full day of my pathetic "schedule". If I stay until 7th, odds are I missed my 2nd period. There is something wrong with me. I have been living in a complete state of exhaustion. I am going to run myself down if I keep this up. I had a rather lovely day which involved kohls, the spot<3, pizza, nintendo64, and tictactoe. I am beyond thankful that tomorrow is the last day of school before my 11 day vacation. Much fun will be had over the next week and a half<3 I am really looking forward to it. It is 11:30 and I must shower and sleep before my body completely fails on me.
I'M OUT!

imagine this:
a Franchie in a black shiny jacket, holding a fruit punch, saying, "I'm oozin' ze cheeziez Madame!"

Fruit Punch Is Taking Over The World

Well things seem to be on the "up & up".
I had a rather lovely afternoon, and intend to have another one tomorrow!
My habbits with school are getting really bad. I am getting so lazy it is absurd. I know it's "okay" for right now, but I'm getting to used to it. I'm getting a little nervous that it will affect my ability to succeed in college next year, I'll be so used to being a lazy blob. I'm really excited about my school for next year. My housing situation sounds amazing.
"This is a state-of-the-art facility designed especially for creative people, not generic college students. The ground floor contains the Fishbowl (lounge/recreation area), a large multi-use space for activities and events, residence life offices, and the mailroom. Most of the 228 beds are "suite double" style housing - a large double bedroom that shares a bathroom with the adjoining room. Each room is equipped with loftable beds, drawing/drafting tables with chairs, and chests of drawers. This building also houses project rooms for creating large-scale artwork on each floor, and is secured by electronic access control systems allowing access to only the residents of each floor/wing." SOUNDS GOOD!

idk, I'm really looking forward to school being over so I can enjoy myself this summer and just get on with my life.
I've already begun.


Oh yeah, and fruit punch is taking over the world.

The Right Bulb

The last week and a half has been so eventful that I haven't even had a chance to update.
My birthday weekend was INCREDIBLE.
Trotta's surprise party was INCREDIBLE.
Failing English is INCREDIBLE.

Really, this last week has been all about,




Spendin' some real quality time with muh boo ^
That's about all.
Snackin' on some sourdough nibblers now, had a lovely day!
Panera bread with Alex & Ben, park with Kristina, Jade & Andrew, got in lots of trouble for cutting school.
Can't wait to get a 46 in English...
GOOODNIGHT!

In Celebration Of Turning 18

- I ate at a circus.
- I played scratchoffs.
- I walked on a Boardwalk.
- I watched the process of glassmaking.
- I went to an absurdly awesome concert.
- I got kicked out of an absurdly awesome concert.
- I was nearly arrested.
- I nearly peed myself.
- I survived.
- I'm laughing about it.
- Oh and I fell deeply & madly in love.
- I'm 18.

Limo party tomorrow that 3 of my best friends can't come to.
Hopefully it will be fun, and no bad times will be had.
I'm intoxicated, and I have to wake up early.
I brilliantly decided I should sleep in my clothes for school tomorrow....
SOUNDS GOOD!

I'M 18!

St. Patty's Day

St. Patty's Day was,





DRUNK

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY.
hello 18.

a lifeache

could most probably be described as a constant feeling of aggravation that haunts your mind day and night. i have such a lifeache. it often comes in the form of a headache, but its rooted from LIFE. LIFE IS RIDICULOUS. my life is ridiculous. im sitting here in art pondering about my existence. not in a, i should die way, but in a, what is my purpse way. why am i even here? both in existence and in my art class. i cant seem to put my finger on the reason for my existence other than, because my mom got pregnant. im not particularly special or living for something. im basically living to take up space. idont contribute much, i dont care about much, and i dont accomplishbmuch. other than to my few friendsand family i dont even matter very much. it is nearing 1130 and my day has already topped its normal ridiculousness its absurd. i thought my birthday coming up would bring great thiings with it but so far its only brought misery. misery sure does love company so i guess i should keep to myself for a little while. i have a headache i wish ididnt miss 7th pd so much so i could just go home and pop some tylenols. this sucks. OH WOE IS ME -_-

I got a birthday card and $50 cash today from my boss.
It was a very generous.

I'm going to have an awesome birthday.
Less than Jake on my birthday with Kristina and Trotta
Limo Party on Friday with my girls
Dinner Party with family and friends

oh, 18.


My body is weird today.... =\
makes me nervous.


SHOWATIME

My Future.

THIS IS MY FUTURE:

Our multimedia world is hungry for content. Today’s broadcast designers are involved in all aspects of electronic design for the broadcast, broadband, commercial and multimedia world. Ringling students learn how to design and animate effective time-based communications for a variety of delivery mediums such as television, the web, and mobile devices. Students use 2D, 3D, and experimental animation to create compelling and innovative visuals for broadcast design, commercials, short-form video, corporate presentations, and multimedia projects. They utilize netcast, podcast and hyperdistribute media using iTunes, BitTorrent and the web. Seniors will create TV broadcasts and corporate presentations that demonstrate their skills in the major areas of broadcast design, including promotions, show programming and commercial.


So maybe I'll be making Disney movies someday, maybe I'll be doing something cooler.
I have a really great opportunity here, and I'm gladly accepting it.
My life is changed now, and I'm using this opportunity, to become a different, better, person. With my upcoming "big 18", comes lots of changes. I've decided that, simple, easy to please, caring, "nice" Sam is dumb. Being really nice and sweet is not all its cracked up to be. In fact, it's a stupid way to be, nobody actually appreciates it and you're always being taken advantage of. With this new year of my life, comes a new me. One that will be way more fun, outgoing, and laid back. Maybe even mean. Well not so much "mean" but I will definitely be standing my ground.

I'm looking forward to this, "new me" shall we say, and I'm thrilled that I actually have things to look forward to.
- My birthday
- My limo party
- My birthday dinner
- Receiving $ that will hopefully bring me out of this irresponsible teen debt I've landed myself in
- Spring Break
- Prom (not prom itself, but getting to wear my dress)
- Wildwood if I can find someone to go with
- UNIVERSAL WITH MY BEST FRIEND<3
- Cancuun with my family
- Supposed summer road trip(s) with Kristina
- A new life in Florida.

I really hope everything goes well. I honestly feel I deserve this.
I can't wait for the weekend already. School sucks.

VZ VERSA

im starting to really like this phone. i can do EVERYTHING on it its more convenient than my ipod. i even have need for speed on here . im never going to sleep ill be exploring my phone all niiight

Slight Positivity

This week seems to be turning around for me.

- I got accepted into college
- I recieved a tax return of $212
- I got a new phone, that I may or may not hate
- I didn't go to school
- I've made a few new friends
- I've settled my mind
- I got to spend the day with Brianna

I look forward to being a little less worried and a little bit more laid back.
Lets see what we can do here!

I GOT INTO COLLEGE!

SUNNY, HOT, BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY, FLORIDA, HERE I COME!

I'm not going to get to major in animation, but I can either do video game design or this new thing called Motion Deisgn which is SIMILAR to animation but its like a combination of animation & graphic design. It sounds really cool I'm going to look into it.

They say based on my portfolio I would be best at designing video games.
ITS STILL FUCKING COOOL.

My life has been kind of unfortunate lately so it is a great relief and pleasure to of gotten into the school of my dreams. Gives me some sort of hope.

WOOOHOOO!

Trash

This weekend was a drunken disaster.
Friday was all over the place. Between my successful trip to the aquarium and my car getting towed, I don't know how to sum it up. I had an unbelievable amount of fun at Michele's party but it then ended up being THE absolute most embarrassing night of my entire life. I wish I didn't remember it.
Saturday I actually had fun at Brianna's, but I think I was the only one.
& today? well today just keeps getting better and better...

I hope I get into that school in Florida. I want a new life..

Until then, spending time with these people will have to do:

Remind Me Again

Why am I alive?

Oh yeah, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE AQUARIUM WITH KRISTINA TOMORROW
HALLAH!
I'm a child.

I had a rather shitty day.
I did however, get to watch a lady struggle to fit her dollar in a quarter machine.
LOL oh boy, Staten Island!

I had a lovely, healthy lunch with Kristina today.
Egg white omelette and english muffin <3
SUM BANANAZ for dinna.
My dress is beautiful I have to look nice and thin in it :D


0H CURRENT EVENTS<3
I hate homework. THATS WHY I'M ONLY GOING TO MATH TOMORROW :)
Good plan. SO EXCITED.

OH BOY

I'm proud that I can sit here and get a good laugh out of the lousy day I had. Literally, EVERYTHING went wrong. And somehow, I'm amused.

I woke up only to realize my water bottle had emptied out inside my bag, soaking everything.
I then decided to leave my binder in my locker to avoid explaining that I forgot to do my math homework. Except when I went back to retrieve it, the lockerroom was closed for the rest of the day due to construction?
I begged. I got nowhere. So I get to my art class only to arrive late to a pop movie test? And guess what, I had missed the first 10 minutes while begging for my binder.
Awesome.
I did terrible on my economics test, and only left school to find myself more aggravation and frustration.

It's all good BECAUSE
I GOT TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH ERICA <3
Boy do I love and miss that girl. I intend to make that happen more often.

But to continue THIS DAY, I got to smash my forehead into a shelf at work and my eyes are itching out of their sockets from the beginning of allergy season.

I HATE SPRING.


ALL I NEED IN THIS LIFE OF SIN, IS ME & MY GIRLFRIEND

DOWN TO RIDE TILL THE VERY END, JUST ME & MY GIRLFRIEND
ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND

Happiness

SUM REAL A$$ SMILEZ v

its good to be happy.
Wish I was more often!



Decent day:
Ihop
Laughs
EZPasses & Gas
Kaitlin <3
THE OC :)

I'm set.

Oh How I Wish

This ongoing headache would let up for just, I don't know, ONE DAY.

Today's snow day was boring as hell.
I've been watching the OC since 3pm.


Now writing about Tottenville's cafeteria....

FML.

Its Going To Be Better When We Slow Down

yeah so, I had sushi for the first time this weekend with Brianna, Rob & Brian.

-____________-


FAIL. Incidentally, avocado is a fruit.
& I just so happen to be allergic to fruit.
SO MUCH FUN. :(



This was in my cousins top drawer:


It was really nice to know he kept this in his top drawer, it made me feel kind of special and less guilty about not getting to tell him I loved him. He still loved me.



SNOW=NO SCHOOL TOMORROW
<3


P.S- Hi Alex Glukhov :)

Tonight

I deluivered.

L
O
L

Nothing better than taking a

Nothing better than taking a hot shower & curling up in bed.I regret spraying perfume on billy while in my bed now im breathing in burberry brit.

Missing Man Gets 7 Parking Tickets While Dead in The Back Seat

City records show a ticket officer issued seven tickets to Waldo's BMW, with the first ticket being issued Feb. 12, the day after Waldo was last seen alive.

According to Kameg, Smith said the reason the ticket officers apparently did not notice someone slumped over in the BMW may have been because the window tint on the car was illegally dark.


LOL, my head hurts a lot.

Lucky Me

I GOT THE MOST AMAZING DRESS EVER.


THE END.



this is not my dress, but this makes me happy:

WOMAN FALLS TO DEATH CHASING A FEATHER

WHAT?

"The walker, who was in her 40s, had been following a coastal footpath when she spotted the bird feather and went to pick it up.

As the wind caught it and blew it close to the edge, she ignored safety warnings and climbed over metal railings lining the cliff top.

She then lost her footing and fell from the rocky outcrop to the beach below at Budleigh Salterton, Devon.


Oh alright? These things only happen in UK I guess.
People are fucking weird and I hate everyone.

This smile

Is all I could ever really ask for.
That was by far, THE happiest week of my entire life and I don't think my smile could ever look that vibrant ever again.

I made a twitter last week from my phone, remembered last night, and can't find anyone except Billy, Ben & Cary. Oh well.

I really wish sleeping wasn't

I really wish sleeping wasn't so hard for me these days. Its really getting inconvenient... who decided elephants have great memory and how?

Im that friend who still

Im that friend who still writes to their friends who are sent away, but that person bad things happen to for no reason also. I wish I knew why.

Taken

Was too unrealistic for my liking. The end ruined everything.

I love you Kristina Post, always & forever.
Great night with Kristina and then Trotta.

LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:
- Hanging out with Kristina
- Upcoming trip to Disney/Universal with Brianna
- My birthday
- Money
- The little human trafficking situation Kristina and I brewed up in Shoprite tonight.
- Taking photobooth pictures
- Going to the movies
- Bowling
- The park
- Warm weather
- Laying in the grass
- My iPod
- Eating dinner at my Grandpas
- My Aunt living here
- Spending time with people I care about
- Going to lunch with Andrew when he's home from college
- Being engaged to Andrea Goldberg, my snuggypoo<3
- Exciting plans
- The thought of one day living with Brianna (not the never finding the right guy part though)
- Finding my gas change box
- Long drives
- Moving out
- Macaroni & Cheese
- Random acts of kindness
- Doing the right thing
- BEING right.
- Being out of my house
- Inflatable Kenny (Cawl) that Jade bought me.
- Getting to see Nicole.
- Writing/getting letters to/from Marc
- Losing weight
- Listening to Death Cab for Cutie.
- Making lists

I should start thinking about these things more than the things I usually think of.

Today I spoke to someone I probably shouldn't have, but am happy that I did. It was relieving and they were rather comforting.

Work in the morning, wahoo -__-
Then some good ol' shopping with Bri<3

What a yucky day. I'm

What a yucky day. I'm too overwhelmed with my life. I got to spend the day with Nicole though. Maybe lunch with Andrew will do me some good.

Chatam.

Well today was 100% successful.
For the first time in, well I can't even remember, my mom took me shopping. Meaning, she payed for my clothes. 0_0 . She bought be like 6 shirts and some UNDIES, awesome. I guess if I can complain about any part of this day it would be the amount of time spent in Woodbridge mall - 5 hours is FAR TOO LONG. AND that my mom tried on bikinis -_- I didn't enjoy that part too much. We ate at Friendly's and my aunt was obnoxiously rude to the waitress, making an extremely hilarious meal.

When I got home, (I obviously didn't spend enough time @ Woodbridge) Brianna met me here, and me, Brianna & Alex went to Short Hills to browse Prom dresses. Except, by the time we got there - we didn't have much time lol. I tried on a simple, cute, dress, but it just wasn't me. I will never find a suitable prom dress for myself. Oh and also my mom told me she's not helping me pay for prom at all. More awesomeness. Anyway, crazy navigator, CLAUDIA, got us a tad lost on the way there, but on the way back she gave us some really good laughs. Saying Chatam only seven hundred times in a row, leaving us in tears, to a point where it was dangerous for me to be driving.

Then I went and spent some quality time with my fiance, Snuggypoo<3 and we ate some snackypoos. Then, my Spin Daddy Larry came home and I was so happy.

Going to grandpa's for dinner tomorrow, yessssss. So good. ANDDDDDD Lyssie is coming home from Puerto Rico thank goodness.

Now I'm ready for bed. I literally walked around malls ALL DAY. I am pooooooooped, besides the fact that I was up all night talking to Sam <3 I miss her.

g0000dnight.

Listening to Vampire Weekend on

Listening to Vampire Weekend on loop contemplating my life. My life really sucks. I don't want to get out of bed or go shopping with my mom.

This Ain't No Willy Nilly

I cannot recall the last time I enjoyed myself as much as I did tonight. My stomach is ACHING from laughter. Although this night did not go as I had originally expected it to, it turned out to be even better. I haven't laughed so much since I can't even remember. I went out with Meaghan, Brian & Rob. My cheeks even hurt. We went bowling and Brian was the worst bowler ever. I have never witnessed someone use their entire body to throw a bowling ball. We targeted Meaghan and her "lack of soul" for the night, she put up with it rather well ;) I love you Meaghan. Honestly, I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY had a nice night and I intend to make this happen more often. What a lovely Saturday evening.

Can't wait to wake up early to go to work for the 5th consecutive day in a row -_-
My next paycheck better be SAWEET.

EVERYBODDY COME TO GINO'S FOR DINNA
I GOT COLD ANTIPASTOS HOT ANTIPASTOS EVEN WARM ANTIPASTOS!
RSVP FOR CHICKEN OR PASTA
vegetarians can call a day in advance.

He Myspaced Me.

It is 11:26 am, I'm tired, and not enthused to go to work AT ALL.
I've worked so much all week. Although its productive, its quite exhausting.

Last night after work, I went on a date to the movies with Brianna and Ewelina for a double feature. So badass -_- I also encountered Moose who I apologized to last time, so she smiled and was nice. It made me remember and absorb my good deed all over again. I really shouldn't refer to her as Moose anymore since I apologized for my childhood tormenting, so I guess I should start calling her Raquel. I suppose I owe it to her. Well anyway we saw two chick flicks, The Confessions of a Shopoholic and He's Just Not That Into you. Both actually turned out to be very satisfying. HOWEVER, He's Just Not That Into you opened my eyes a little. Why are we told from such a young age that when boys are mean to you they like you? I never realized the outcome of that. How do you tell a 6-year old girl that when a boy hits you and kicks you and says mean things to you, that its because they like you? Maybe when your 6 its true, but it sets a poor example for the rest of your life. And of course there is always a character in the movie that touches your soft spot because they are just like you. In this case, I was all Jennifer Aniston, which was ironic because from the second she entered the movie I made a joke on her how she should have been the poster-person for this movie, since she has had bad guy issues her whole life. Also the other Jen with the lying cheater hit a nerve but not so much. I actually just felt really bad for her character because I could relate to her situation.

I found myself talking a lot through the movie, I kept having a lot to say. It was probably annoying to those around me, oh well. It didn't help that I was sitting next to Ewelina saying these things because she didn't understand anything I was saying so I then had to lean over her to tell Brianna, who would appreciate and enjoy what I had to say.

I'm working till 8 and what comes after that still remains a mystery.

MOST EXCRUCIATING MIGRAINE EVER. i

MOST EXCRUCIATING MIGRAINE EVER. i guess this is the punishment i get for exaggerating about the minor one i had yesterday in order to stay home.

Dancing Streetlights

I have a headache, homework, and art that I should be tending to, but instead I'm on the computer, browsing, and planning my day for tomorrow.
That plan includes,
- getting up early again so I can park remotely close to the school.
- leaving after 4th period.
- Haven't figured out what goes on after that
- Work @ 1:15ish until 5.
- Picking up movie tickets for Brianna and I.
- Paying a spite visit to the JCC<3
- GOING to the movies on a date with Brianna
- Sneaking into a second movie
- Eating weightwatcher meals @ Applebees
<3
I'm really looking forward to it, I am in desperate need of a good day.
Today went rather well though, can't deny that.
After school I went to Billy's, then went to work until 8. We were consistently busy the whole day which was a FIRST and really nice actually. I liked being busy CONSTANTLY.

Then I picked up my aunt, we stopped at her friends house, and went to the diner for a late dinner :)
I know its under crappy circumstances, but I'm really happy my aunt is living with me. She is really my best friend and I actually have someone in my house who makes me not mind being here. I love her so much.

Anyway, I think there were really only 2 highlights of my day. I want to start keeping track of things that make me laugh during the day and are worth remembering,

On the drive home from school, Billy and I witnessed spinning traffic lights due to severe wind. Honestly, it was REALLY funny and it was a good laugh. "It's green, No it isn't, yes it is!" The streetlight just doing 360s, making it impossible to know which direction had the green for go.

Lastly, the moron kid who pulled up next to me, getting out of his car, and declaring a "LEGITLY good park" -______- oh alright. OH STATEN ISLAND<3

That will be all, I need to shower and do my work before its too late and I don't accomplish anything at all.

Taking on the Dragon Lady.

It's 12:27 am.

I had a stupid day.
I stayed home from school.
Rather than use the time to get things I needed to get done, done, I slept until 1:30 and soaked in self pity. Finally Alex convinced me that it was a beautiful day out and I had to take a walk to enjoy it before I went to work. So we went for a walk at the park. I'm glad I did because it was beautiful out and it cheered me up a little. When I arrived back at the home front I decided to make some progress on my bicycle. I only worked on it for 40 minutes and then I went to work. We were somewhat busy for the most part. I ate pizza for dinner, and now just planned a lovely date with Brianna for Friday night. I'm looking forward to it because I only saw her once this week. We are going to have a really nice night.


I am working lots of hours for the rest of the week and have no idea when I am going to find the time to complete my drawings for RISD that are due February 15.

I will never learn to stop procratinating. It is the story of my life.
I better get some rest, I didn't get enough sleeping till 1:30 today and all.


Oh and I got switched out of Mrs. Ruderman's again. Thank God. I have to go thank Mrs. Tobio at once tomorrow. Before I crafted up this really poorly made but funny picture of Doug and I taking on Mrs Ruderman:


So silly. Too bad I'm not a photoshop whiz like Nat I could've make this a lot better =[

NOBODY CAN CHEER ME UP LIKE DOUG. He is my favorite person. I'm glad I can manage to keep in touch with him always. It reassures me that there are some decent people on Earth.


I think I'm going to end this blog with a picture of my cousin. Just because he looks so happy and good in it. As well as a guido (JEWJEWJEW), but It's a good way to remember him since he looks so nice.

Goodnight, love you Steve.

Emotional Breakdowns

Are the worst. I am having the most emotional day ever.

This morning was rough, with my dad having to come up to school and try to be "tough guy" and get my schedule changed back. The way things are going today, gives me no hope that tomorrow will be any better and I'm sure now I'll just have to go back to Mrs. Ruderman's class and the rest of my senior year will suck more than even I can imagine at this point.

As the day went on, I wasn't in the best mood, but I stuck it out.
I went to Billy's, blah blah blah.
Then I went to art where my day that had seemed to have improved, spiraled back down.

On my drive home from art school, I started thinking about the things that are bothering me, making me act "WEIRD". I can't seem to figure it out, but apparently I'm being weird. I began to think of potential triggers of weirdness. The death card came into play which started to depress me. As passing Tottenville High School it occurred to me that my Grandpa did not get to live long enough to see me graduate, therefore, will not be at my graduation. This being, the final straw, leading to my emotional breakdown. I can't explain it because it came so suddenly but it was awful. So I stopped at Meaghan's to cry to her breifly and went home.

When I pulled up to my house at exactly 8:40, my alarm went off to take my pill. I then realized I didn't have my pill, because I didn't have my bag, because I left it all the way back at art school. Then I cried even more, declaring hatred on my life. So all alone, I drove back to art school to get my bag.

Now I am home, and depressed.
So all in all, I learned today that,
- My senior year is ruined.
- I'm going to be working 25 hours this week and will recieve pitiful pay.
- I'm becoming weird in a bad way.
- I don't like myself anymore.
- I don't want to go to Prom/Graduation anymore.
- And I will never be good enough for anything or anyone no matter what.

Bafoonery

Aside from stressing 1000% more than I should have today, I ate a delicious dinner.
I went to Brianna's for Sunday Dinner, and Margo made, as usual, her delicious stuffing. Chicken, stuffing, string beans=extremely satisfying. Once again, as I will stress everyday for the next 4 months, I AM SO EXCITED FOR DISNEY WORLD. It is probably the only upcoming event in my life that is keeping me sane. I am so beyond stressed out its actualy quite silly. I never imagined I'd be able to stress about things I seriously DO NOT care about. And I'm not even just saying that. I really don't care about PROMMMMMMM. I never have and I can't bring myself to. I really don't have any friends in my school and I'd like to be able to be with the few that I do but I see its not working out that way. I did however come across a dress I fell in love with, too bad its only like $650. FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM FUCK PROM. That is how I feel about prom<3 -_-

I worked 10-6 today, and it went by rather quickly. I didn't get to finish my word search so its upstairs in my pocket and I actually intend to finish it.

I am going to sleep until 9 o'clock tomorrow and go to school after 3rd period since I REFUSE TO EVER GO TO MRS RUDERMANS CLASS AGAIN. EVEN IF THAT MEANS GETTING MARKED ABSENT EVERY SINGLE DAY. I cannot believe she has gone out of her way to get me back, and I refuse to go to school for 3rd period until my dad gets things reversed. I HAVE NEVER RESENTED A TEACHER MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.


At this moment in time, I feel very aggravated and discontent. I want to go finish my word search, take a shower, and go to sleep.

Here's to a day of complete disappointment. (Except with Margo's stuffing).

Coroline Jones!

Today was one of the best days I've had in a while.

I slept late! When I woke up, Courtney randomly invited Sam & I over. So Sam came here, we stopped at Pathmark, and went on our journey to Brooklyn. We had a very nice day at Courtney's. The best part had to be eavesdropping via intercom to the woman on her phone, talking about praying. I haven't laughed so much in the longest time. When Courtney got back from walking the dogs, she joined us in eavesdropping, and then decided to talk into it and say things like, "The power of Christ compells you!!" and other silly nonsense. This resulting in the lady yelling at us, "FAGGOTS! MORONS!" SO HILARIOUS. SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD. Then we ordered L&B's. Even better! While eating pizza we watched the movie, The Darjeeling Limited. It was SO weird but SO good. I was really into it the entire time and was very interested in where it was going. I was content. After that, I dropped Sam off at her cousins, and somehow, without getting lost, made it home safely.

I picked up Kristina & Jade and we went to Applebees. We lied to the waitress about everything, except the fact that we were seeing Coroline. I told her I was allergic to lemon, so she wouldn't put lemon in my water, and then we all pretended to be vegetarians like Jade so that they would give us extra chips rather than Buffalo Wings. I found it interesting that she said she couldn't do it, and then when we were all like, "We're vegetarians" she immediately said how she can PROBABLY throw us extra chips and it wouldn't be a problem. -_-

ANYWAY, then we went to see Coroline, and words cannot begin to express how impressed I was with it. SOOOOOO creepy and SOOOOO good. The effects were awesome to a new extreme. It was just unbelievable. It made me really hope that I can be apart of this animated film making business some day. It kind of inspired me to stop being so lazy so I can actually get to do what I want.

It is 1:19am, and if I don't go to bed NOW I am never going to wake up for work tomorrow :(

OH HOW I HATE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING.
That will be all.

STOMACHACHE -_- interesting day i

STOMACHACHE -_- interesting day i guess. I have an official hookup w. the pizzaria next door to work. I DON'T FEEL GOOD. I actually did homework.

Oh Little Munchkin

Today had its ups & downs but it has left me off in a rather optimistic mood.

My cousin Stacie and Jimmy and the baby came over (I am LOVING seeing them SO MUCH). I bonded with my little munchkin for hours. But he is in fact NOT the little munchkin, he says I'M the little munchkin. Grabs my cheeks and kisses me and says I'm his little munchkin. He could potentially be THE cutest human being on this planet. I'm really happy I'm going to get to start spending more time with him, rather than my occasional secret dinners at Applebees with them. He tells me he wants to fight me, and whoever loses has to wear the ugly sweatshirt. He beats me with his little fists for about 30 seconds and then claims he has won. When I ask who says he wins, he says, "I win because I said so because this is my game and I made it up." Good enough for me, my handsome little fella, I LOVE HIM!!!!!







Anyway, people just left and I just got to go shovel for a good forty minutes since my dad is so anal about my shoveling job -_-

I began my new schedule today that EXCLUDED Ms. Ruderman, it was quite pleasant!
I got my brakes fixed and will be driving in my car that I can no longer afford to drive tomorrow!

I think I'm just about done for tonight!

:(

Today was rather depressing.
I had a memorial service for my cousin. Since he was cremated, they just had a service for him talking about him and things important to him. For the last couple of days, rather than starting to feel better about things, I'm starting to feel worse. And today at the service, when they mentioned my name in the speech, I completely broke down hysterically. I started remembering how close I used to be to my cousin and how I was the ONLY person in his life that had faith in him, and then I lost it, and just became like everyone else. I remembered how I used to talk to him on the phone every single day, and he'd tell me how he was stopping everything and doing better. Really he was just lying to me, but I believed him always. After I found out he was lying, and then after he stole my cousins wallet at my Mom's 40th surprise party, I started to sort of resent him. I stopped calling him and when I'd call to talk to my aunt and he'd answer I'd hang up. I was so disappointed in him and in the last 2 years I've hardly spoken to him at all. I resented him for everything. Doing drugs, lying, stealing, torturing my Aunt. But now that I've spent the last few days devoting all of my time to thinking about it, I don't think he was such a bad person. I tried to put it in words the other day to Billy, but I couldn't. But I want to try again. I used to consider my cousin a terrible person because he was selfish and didn't care about how he was hurting everyone. That he would steal from my aunt and lie. But what makes someone a terrible person? How do you judge? I didn't change my mind on how I feel about him just because he died and he can't redeem himself anymore. I just don't think Steven was a terrible person. I think a terrible person is someone like Charles Manson, who kills people and is disgusting, and enjoys it. Someone who gets JOY out of hurting people is a terrible person. Steven didn't get joy out of hurting anyone. Mainly he hurt himself but he hurt his family. Although he did, it was unintentional. He was addicted to drugs, so he did anything to get them. And he did everything. He was a prescription drug abuser and he was into hardcore drugs like heroin and crack. He made bad decisions, but he wasn't a terrible person. And now and forever, I can completely regret not telling him, that despite everything he did, I loved him. So now I can deal with that on my own.

How Do You Dry Strawberries?

Today was actually really nice.
My family is slowly reuniting.
My cousin Stacie is pregnant and I got to go with her to get a sonogram.
My ENTIRE family, (with my cousin and her family who we haven't been speaking to) went to eat at Applebees.
I watched Baby Mama with my aunt, it was silly and I thought it'd be funnier.


Then, Jade came over and we cooked!!!
Jade made sauce for the pasta and garlic for the garlic knots, while I focused on chocolate covered strawberries.

We ate pasta, garlic knots, chocolate covered strawberries, AND topped it off with ice cream on top of little cakes. It was out of this world! (This all took place at midnight)




ALSOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Karyn came by!!
Happiest half hour I've experienced in a WHILE.
I miss her SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much, and I was ecstatic to see her!

Thats all though.
Goodnight.

The World of Appreciation

I've always considered myself to be someone of little to no importance. Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. I see myself to be as one person amongst billions. Although I consider myself to be a good person, I have never really thought that I've done anything too spectacular to be appreciated for. But I realized tonight that its not about making a huge impact, It's about making a little impact. If you affect ONE person's life in your entire life, that is a pretty big deal, and I never really saw it that way. When I think about it though, there are actually a few people who affect me, seriously, and some of those few think they don't. Some who think they don't affect anyone at all. Someone like me, who assumes they aren't special to anyone other than their mothers. And that's not saying much for me because my sister beats me in that one. I may not be as special to those who I wish I was to, but I learned tonight that I am in fact special to someone. Carmine took me to the movies to cheer me up, and to see Benjamin Buttons for the third time. He is a really good friend to me. In fact, he is one of the greatest friends I have ever had. On the way home he actually gave me a speech on how much he values his friendship with me and just me as a person. Not a corny one either. A serious, from the heart, meaningful speech that actually made me cry. I don't think anyone has ever made me cry over something like that before. It's not something I hear everyday, or really ever. I can't really explain how it felt, but it gave me sort of a sense of purpose. It made me feel important, and most of all appreciated. I appreciated being appreciated. I think mostly because I'm not usually appreciated. But it made me think SO much. About everything. About everyone in my life; people who change my life, people who I wish knew changed my life, people that I appreciated more than I should have, people that I don't appreciate enough. I realized that I am not, not important. Just because I can't impact the world, doesn't make me not important. It just makes me all the more important to those few people in my life. Or so I hope.

Today was a really weird day for me. All in all it has made me feel different, somewhat better, and somewhat relieved, seeing as though I got to accomplish CLOSURE & appreciation all in one day. I got to do something I've wanted to do for a while now today, and I think I can finally move on from doing so. Although this week has been extremely rough on me, I know things will get better. They have to.

Something is wrong with my

Something is wrong with my eye. I feel drained. Eating honey mustard &onion pretzels listening to Explosions In The Sky. Iffy day, good friends.

.

Okay well until this point in my life, the only person close to me that died was my aunt, and at 8 years old I didn't really understand much what was going on. In 3 months now, I lost my grandpa and my cousin. To be completely honest, I AM COMPLETELY LOSING IT. I don't even know what to do. I feel totally traumatized by the fact that I saw my cousin yesterday. It's really disappointing that the last time I got to see him was in his bed surrounded by drugs. And then to top it off, the last time I can remember him alive, was completely WRECKED at my Grandpa's funeral. I knew this day would eventually come but quite honestly I did not expect it to be anytime soon. My cousin had like 9 lives and ironically seemed to have more luck than anyone. But this is what HE chose. He did not want help, he did not want to stop taking drugs, he thought he could just live this way forever and this was the price he payed I suppose. I really regret not speaking to him in the last 3 months though. Not that I could have prevented this in any way, but as much resent I had towards him for turning out this way and not being there for me, he was still my cousin and I still loved him, and I didn't get to really tell him that. He was my childhood IDOL and I fucking adored him more than anyone in my life as a kid.I guess if there is anything I can thank him for, it'd be making me as against drugs as I am today. I can't stand to see my aunt the way she is. I've hardly left my room in the last 16 hours to avoid it. I was up all night. She is in hysterics and is talking to herself about weird random things. I think she has lost her mind and I can't see how she is going to live through this. I don't really have much else to say being that I'm in such a state of depression I can't even think straight. I think Brianna is coming over soon, but I don't know. I'm still going to go to work at 4.

Life is terrible and miserable

Life is terrible and miserable and shitty and i hate it. My cousin is dead and so is a piece of my aunt. I am not okay at all and i'm losing it.

I'm going to be a bald bride!

I had an EXTREMELY eventful day.
In fact, I can't even remember the last time I did so many things in one day. Aside from Nicole & Kaitlin I got to spend quality time with all of my best friends. It was GREAT.

Before I get into the "what I did today", I want to express how proud I am that I did a nice thing today. Like, I did a sincerely NICE thing. I crossed paths with a girl from my past that I literally dedicated my summers to abusing (when I was younger). I was such a dick to her, although she was no peach, I was still awful. When I went to the movies with muh gurlz she was working there and after we went back into the theatre something came over me that made me feel REALLY guilty about always making fun of her and making her cry. So I actually went back out to the snack counter and told her that I was sorry for making fun of her when I went to camp with her. She was so taken back and happy with my apology, it made me feel really good. I'm really a nice person and the fact that I was such a dick made me feel SO guilty. I'm really happy that I got to patch things up and I'm proud that I did that. Thats not an easy thing to do lol.

Anyway, this morning I actually woke up and went in for 3rd period just to give in extra credit to Mrs. Ruderman. TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY IN RUDERMAN'S CLASS!!!!!! Oh the joy!!!

Then Meaghan came home with me and watched half of Planes, Trains & Automobiles with me until we stopped watching it to watch Youtube videos instead. After that, I did errands and got hot chocolate with Alex and we chatted. Then after that, I went over Andrea's and we got to bond<3 We picked up Alyssa and went to Perkins! From there I picked up Kristina and we went to Brianna's! The three of us then went back to my side of the world and picked up Jade to make it to a 9:05 movie where we had our first monthly, GURLZ NIGHT!!!!! The movie was actually good until the end ruined it (Bride Wars). Oh how clever, they're both pregnant!! -_-

Now I'm home, and actually REALLY tired. Taking care of my dad who is really sick. I feel bad that I didn't really help him as much as I should have. But I am now.

Tomorrow Billy is coming with me to the city to REALLY get my slides developed, and then go back into Brooklyn to pick up forgotten belongings at Alex's apartment. That will be followed by ART SCHOOL WITH KAITLIN!
Can't wait.

Adios.

Jeepers Creepers

Well as anticipated, something about this weekend was bound to go shitty.

Ironically, yesterday went rather well. The chick baking party was a complete and total SUCCESS. And I actually had A LOT of fun.


WE MADE A SHITCAKE ^
It came out SO perfect.



The trip to Brooklyn was very pleasant, discussing the "Lovely Realstate" (heavy old lady "my mom" accent). The hour and a half waiting for Alex to arrive to his surprise party was interesting as was the party. I obviously had a very enjoyable time,




and fell madly in love with the unnamed new dog.



I worked all day and got a weird amount of stuff done during my break.
I got to surprise Christopher for his birthday and bring him a card, he loved it and was unbelievably happy that I remembered his birthday, as if I haven't come over EVERY year on his birthday since the 6th grade. Like I'd ever forget. -_-

After work I watched Ghost Whisperer with my family- even though I don't like that show or even TV for that matter.

Then I picked up Billy and we watched Jeepers Creepers.
It was terrifying -_-

Now I'm home, and I feel really shitty. I think sometimes I say too much. But other times I don't say enough. And I think me usually not saying anything leads to me having to say a lot.

I'm going to just go to bed I'm bummed.

I have to go back to the city tomorrow since I failed at getting my slides developed the first time, I loved how the place was closed. How exciting.

On the ferry with kristina.

On the ferry with kristina. Listening to some kid sing VERIZON WIRELESS. on our way to eat chipotles! Then getting my slides developed.Having fun

Opportunities Define Life

Today was a really nice day.

I attended a full day of school, and then went to the movies with Kristina. We went to see Defiance for extra credit in English and ended up loving it. It was really touching, and also 2 hours. Then we snuck into The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button so I got to see it and enjoy it yet again. So in total we spend 5 hours at the movies. It was really entertaining. After that we rushed to my art school so I could give my portfolio to my art teacher. Tomorrow after school I have to go pick them up and get them developed as slides in the city with Kristina, Alex & Nat.
After that we swung by the mall to do returns for my mom and visit Cary.
We suspected a girl of shoplifting and it was hilarious. I had a good time.

Then I gave in to my silly guilty pleasure and went to Fusions =\
Every Staten Island girl has a secret Staten Island girl interest, mine happens to be that =(
But, IT WAS AWESOME. Completely & totally.

I had such a great day with Kristina and hope to have another with her tomorrow. As of right now, I'm EXHAUSTED. I've had a really satisfying day and I'm looking forward to getting off the computer, getting in my p.j's, and just going to bed!

Can't wait for my chicks night sleepover with Brianna tomorrow<3
It's going to be so gay but so fun :D

Astronaut

I'm in a terrible mood.

I feel so mad and annoyed at everyone.
I spent the day stereotyping and trashing people from school in my head, and I've basically come to the conclusion that I hate minorites, a lot.
I also hate fat obnoxious people and it bothers me so much that people who are stupid, fat and obnoxious, most of the time, will NEVER IN THEIR LIFE think that they are stupid, fat and obnoxious. Maybe they'll realize fat, but they will always think highly of themselves and never come to terms with reality and realize exactly what they are. And that makes me so mad.

I really didn't even have such a terrible day. In school I was annoyed but once I got out the day started to get better. I went with Nat & Alex for some photos by the boats, got to spend a lot of quality time with Alyssa, which made me really happy, and then I went to work. I didn't even mind being at work. I repriced boxes and I got to complete my WonderWord word search puzzle in the newspaper, (a new hobby I've taken up during work-time). I enjoy it a lot for some reason. I acutally conversed with my boss and didn't leave biting my tongue.

But now, I'm home, and in my mood again. I'm so aggravated and I can't even pin-point what is setting me off. But everyone is making me mad and I think the best thing for me to do is to go to sleep, in my room, that I took the time to clean yesterday, for what turned out to be no apparent reason.

I'm miserable today.
Maybe seeing Erica tomorrow will put a smile on my face.



Just to cheer me up,

lolz like 2 years ago.
Oh Nick.

Listening to A Lack Of Color. So soothing.
DeathCabForCutie<3

Okay well now that i

Okay well now that i know this thing works- MOBILE BLOG. i'm exhausted but can't sleep. Thinking about weird stuff. I wish brianna would call me!

How Did You HERE About This?

As a start, I have to say how I NEVER have more fun doing ANYTHING than driving to and from Art with Kaitlin. My stomach still hurts from laughing and my normal breathing patterns are just starting to set back in.

However, I'm in a really weird mood. I have been all day. I felt better at a few points during the day but I feel weird again. It's a weird week for me and even though each year it has a different effect on me I'm not sure what this year will bring. I'm very content with my life at this point in time and I have no reason to feel weird about it, but I sort of feel it building inside of me a little. Like I feel emotional for no reason. It's silly, I'll get over it.


Quite honestly, I spent a good portion of the day being very critical and judgemental. I've gotten to a point where I can't stand being in school surrounded by people. I feel like each day I become more and more unsociable and hate everyone just a little more with each passing day. I'm going to start being really snobby, I decided.

Anyway, today was a great day in history:
1. Rob Quinn turned 20.
2. OBAMA IS PRESIDENT -_- (MgGain 0P')

It was far too cold today and I didn't enjoy that.
-I snuck into the library with Billy, Ben, Nat & Alex for the INAUGURATION SPEECH.
-I Watched the worst parts of Passion of the Christ at Ben's.
-I went to Billy's.
-I fell asleep?
-I'm leaking.
-I'm tired/cranky.
-I'm sort of bummed.
-I finished my Eye at Art.

Right now I'm going to go watch Dane Cook talk about Magoogoo and how for just 15 cents a day you can save him.
Then, I'm going to put some Death Cab on loop and lay in my bed.
Maybe I'll get some more prank phone calls @ 1am from those JCC tough guys :D
I look forward. -_-

Magical Mitzvah Amusement Park

I guess I can say my 3 day weekend went pretty well.

Yesterday I got to spend a lot of time with Nick. Brianna came with me and I went over and made him soup because he felt sick. We played video games and watched football. It was very enjoyable and then we drove in the snow to Mikes Place for some grilled cheeses/frenchfries/milkshakes. Apparently Nick never goes to diners.

Then Brianna and I had a sleepover! I slept like a baby. I didn't wake up until almost 1 o'clock when Meaghan called me to go run errands with her. As Jade said, I don't even remember running errands. I remember getting in the car, picking up Jade, getting a bagel, and then going home LOL. Where Jade gave me (finally) my Hanukkah presents! She got me the Magical Mitzvah Amusement Park board game and Carpool Kenny, who we later named Carl (heavy Staten Island accent, "Caul") and then even more later stuck with "Clark". Now I can use him if I can't find a 3rd person to go get gas! And then get arrested obv. For impersonating a person. That would be hilarious.

Somehow ended up at Billy's with Jade, Brianna and Ryan.
A lot of feet.


and Billy got creepy v OBV.

It was quite fun.

Ready for bed, and not ready for english final tomorrow on "everything".
I hate Ms. Ruderman. Only one more week. But it's going to be rough =\

ART SCHOOL TOMORROW, waddup.
Night.

Here's To You Mrs. Robinson

Today was a really successful and enjoyable day, I must say.

I got to sleep late because the cleaning lady didn't show up.
Went on a lovely brunch with Andrew since he is going back to school tomorrow :\ wish I would have got to see him more this month.
I actually sat in my room for a good amount of time this afternoon and made use of the perfectly good surround sound system that was for my old computer, and found a way to hook it up to my iPod. So now I can listen to my iPod on surround sound. It's really cool and I'm actually really proud of myself. Just a little summin' summin' to spice up my room. Then after that I took the time to throw out a lot of garbage and just really clean my room. I got a lot done.

Then I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with my family. Honestly, really enjoyed it. I really liked it a lot. I was really into it and it did not seem to be 3 hours AT ALL. I'm glad I got to see it. Then we went for a "family dinner" to BellaMama and I ate ravioli. It was delicious but I could not eat the entire thing. It was pretty nice to spend actual time with my family I won't lie. I don't really get to that often and most of the time I eat my dinner alone. It's kind of depressing.

I got to make it to Fun Station in time for Lazzypoo's birthday to LAZor tag! So much fun! My team only won the first game, but really, I WON in the last game. I was totally on top of my game and shot up everyone. Probably Nat the most. He didn't like it and ended up giving up and putting his vest on Billy LOL. I loved it! Especially the part where Laz hit me with his gun repeatedly and held me hostage -_- LOL. But most importantly I got to hang out with Nicole and I really liked that a lot. I miss her sooooo much and I love her even more than how much I missed her. So I'm glad I got to spend some time with her.

After like 4 games of tagging we went back to Billy's and had some birthday cake without Laz? Well I didn't even eat it either. The boys stuffed their faces in it lolz. I had a nice time and then the chicks got tired so Ben drove us all home.

Overall, I had a very pleasant day and I can go to sleep completely content now.
I'd be even more content if I didn't have to wake up early for work tomorrow ... but I definitely need the $ so I can't complain.

Hopefully will see BriBri tomorrow!
Going to go fall asleep in my clean room with my soothing surround sound music now.
Goodnight.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME

LOLZ

No time to blog.

On a 48 hour sleepover with Kristina.

During the week.

Not accomplishing anything we are supposed to be accomplishing.

Laughing. A lot.

Bad food, good songs, in need of showers, completely delerious and overtired from sleeping 16 hours.

Lets see what we can do!





Oh! And legit Philly Cheese Steaks tomorrow! WAAADDDUUUPPPPP, DEAD d-e-d!

They Call Me LuLu Cause I'm Crazaay!

I FINISHED AND SUBMITTED MY PORTFOLIO TODAY!!
Words cannot begin to explain how relieved I feel.

Today was completely AWESOME. I got so many good things done.
- I GOT SWITCHED OUT OF RUDERMAN'S CLASS!!!
- I got to hang out in Adam Jacob's class.
- I got to laugh at the argument of abortion with Nat in govt.
- I got an oil change.
- I got my headlights fixed.
- I got to see Nick for his birthday.
- I finished my portfolio.
- I submitted my portfolio.
- I got to congratulate Tia on making FIT.

I'm just really in a lovely mood. Billy and Ben came with me to get my oil changed and it was very interesting. Argued over SMORGASBORDS and met LuLu. Entertaining enough. Then I got to hang out with Billy before I went to art.


lolz vag cream.


Peace nigguh!

hallaahh

A truly uneventful day.

- Woke up late.
- Got to school on time.
- Fell asleep for 2 full periods in school without being woken up 0_o
- Drove home Nathaniel.
- Went to Denino's for Giovanni's birthday.
- Got a stomachache.
- Went to the mall with Alyss!
- Bought Billy some more candle shit.
- Went to Fusions with Alyssa & Gabby :( it was awesome; guilty pleasure :(
- Art school, got things accomplished.
- Hung out with Billy.
- Talked to my mom.
- Blogging.


I'm overtired and bored.
I'm taking a shower and going to bed.
Without doing Ruderman's homework.

On tomorrow's agenda,
- Attempt to get out of Ruderman's class.
- Get an oil change.
- Do art all day baby.

Cetus Lapetus

Okay, Senior Ski Trip 09' pretty much went like this:

It pretty much sucked for the most part. Well maybe not sucked, I definitely had a little fun when we made our own fun, but overall the place sucked, so it was hard to. There wasn't enough to do and the things to do weren't efficient. The entire trip was super unorganized and people got in trouble left and right. Girls were even sneaking in old guys and having sex with them. Dumbasses. On the way up I sat with Erin. We watched Pineapple Express and ate way too many snacks. On the way back I sat with Erin again and we had no more snacks :( but we had some good stories and good music.


I roomed with Meaghan, Arjeta and Stephanie When we got to our room, our bed was broken. It turned out it was not broken, the person before us thought it would be funny to flip the frame over so we'd fall in. I forgot to flip it back before I left :(

Friday night was kind of boring because we arrived at an awkward time. The dinner, followed by every meal we ate, was absolutely terrible. In fact, I ended up getting really sick last night. It wasn't fun, in fact I was pretty much crying.


Yesterday we got a 8am wake up call- which I did not enjoy, and went paintballing. It was pretty fun. I was actually terrified because I feared getting shot in the neck, but it was alright. I didn't however, enjoy being pelted with millions of paint rocks AFTER being out and trying to just get out. I have little bruises/welts on my arms and hips. Awful. But I did enjoy it. I got to lazer tag with Jade, that sucked too. And Jade and I also attempted to go horseback riding -_-


Jade didn't want to kick the horse and it was grumpy, as was mine. I'm glad we didn't go through with it. All of the staff at the ranch were absurdly rude and mean for no reason. They are just bitches because they live in such a silly place.

I did however, enjoy bundling up with my boo!
We looked so adorable all dressed up in our winter attire!

I will not lie I had fun with my friends. But really I missed Kristina a lot and wished she was there the entire time. I said it like a trillion times. Meaghan can definitely vouch for me lol. It just wasn't right without her.



At night I went outside with Arjeta, Meg, Steph, Corinne, Tom and Kevin. I actually loved playing in the snow A LOT. I even made a snow angel all by myself.

It came out quite lovely I will admit.

But in all honesty, the highlight of the ENTIRE trip was definitely the crossdressing contest that Vin Tardy OWNED. It was hilarious.

As for the rest of the night, I hung with the cool people obviously. Dave and I ate the best fries of the whole trip. They were actually delicious. Then we watched Vegas Vacation and Family Matters when my severe stomach ache started :(

Don't really have much more to write about the ski trip because I did not care for it all that much, but here are some cutie patootie pictures to remember the good parts of the night:

Today I came home, and went to the mall with Brianna. We visited Cary for a bit and then I bought Billy candles. From there I went over to Billy's and got to eat some pepperoni pizza with him and his mom. We had a very nice night! Now I just unpacked since my dad yelled at me to, and now I want to go to sleep so I can actually wake up tomorrow, seeing as though I've managed to get about 10 hours of sleep in the last 3 days -_-

Goodnight.